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| 12:07am 29/01/2004 |
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new journal....
lovethatbuzz
add it, love it. mm hmmm, mm hmmm. |
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| 04:50pm 28/01/2004 |
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mood:  confused
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i wrote this at like 5 but it wouldn't post... so here it goes.
i just had it explained to me how .. basically everyone took things. i don't hate YOU all. (u four know who u r)
i just meant i was mad so i said i hate EVERYTHING. not that im mad at u four.
if i hated you, gaby and charlotte and amanda and val, i wouldn't have cried on the fone to lynn for two hours last nite about how i don't know how i can go on w/ u being mad at me and that i didn't really know y u were.
everything is taken the wrong way, and now i realize that i gotta read over shit i write tons of times before i post it.
im sorry for all this shit. i explained shit to gaby, and i think she isn't mad, or at least as mad, now i gotta talk to charlotte. i hope things are ok. if my friends are mad at me then i don't know what to do w/ myself. |
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| 04:49pm 28/01/2004 |
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mood: confused
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i just had it explained to me how .. basically everyone took things. i don't hate YOU all. (u four know who u r)
i just meant i was mad so i said i hate EVERYTHING. not that im mad at u four.
if i hated you, gaby and charlotte and amanda and val, i wouldn't have cried on the fone to lynn for two hours last nite about how i don't know how i can go on w/ u being mad at me and that i didn't really know y u were.
everything is taken the wrong way, and now i realize that i gotta read over shit i write tons of times before i post it.
im sorry for all this shit. i explained shit to gaby, and i think she isn't mad, or at least as mad, now i gotta talk to charlotte. i hope things are ok. if my friends are mad at me then i don't know what to do w/ myself. |
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| 04:44pm 28/01/2004 |
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mood: confused
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i just had it explained to me how .. basically everyone took things. i don't hate YOU all. (u four know who u r)
i just meant i was mad so i said i hate EVERYTHING. not that im mad at u four.
if i hated you, gaby and charlotte and amanda and val, i wouldn't have cried on the fone to lynn for two hours last nite about how i don't know how i can go on w/ u being mad at me and that i didn't really know y u were.
everything is taken the wrong way, and now i realize that i gotta read over shit i write tons of times before i post it.
im sorry for all this shit. i explained shit to gaby, and i think she isn't mad, or at least as mad, now i gotta talk to charlotte. i hope things are ok. if my friends are mad at me then i don't know what to do w/ myself. |
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| THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE. |
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| 04:06pm 28/01/2004 |
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mood:  contemplative music: the best things in life are free, i want money!
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im sitting here staring at my livejournal... wanting to write even though i said i wouldn't but i gotta.
this is what my day has consisted of
...lynn calling me at one thirty waking me up and telling me about her comic she made (this will be the highlight of the day so far) then realizing how i tired i am and letting me sleep more.
....taking a shower, then lying in my bed and sleeping MORE.
....being woken up by my parents screaming at eachother and the last thing i hear is my mom say -"you have to fucking choose now! her or me! ill go pack my fucking bags right now and leave"
another pleasant day at my house. that is the worst i've ever heard them get into it. but what are you gonna do. meanwhile, i don't even care about their fight cuz my head is more caught up in the fact that charlotte is mad at me. yes, i am this obsessed w/ the fact that she's mad. i just want to talk to her. and see whatsup. i will eventually, tonite prolly.
now im gonna go work, cuz that is all i do these days. im actually looking forward to going, hopefully my people i like the most are at work, so i can get my mind off of everything for a bit. |
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| 12:43am 28/01/2004 |
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mood: confused music: silverchair- suicidal dreams
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im deleting my journal....it is causing to many issues, i get on here and start venting about things that i don't actually think, that are just thoughts i have when im lonely...... i don't know, i think ill make a new one though.
now one of my like 3 best friends... charlotte... is mad at me... yeah i am sad. im sorri for saying im sad, but am... and now im gonna go be sad...
charlotte im gonna call u tomorrow...i just found out ur mad at me less than 5 mins ago and its killing me cuz i didn't mean to make u mad. u and lizzy are honestly the last peeople i'd want to make mad. |
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| CHECK IT OUT! SEE WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT! |
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| 12:21am 28/01/2004 |
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mood:  calm music: MAROON 5.
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i will never comprehend people getting mad about things people write in their journals. it just amazes me how someone can get so worked up about it. i mean, its fine w/ me if people get mad about it. i honestly opened up my friends page a second ago, and i laughed after reading it. b/c it amazes me that much. its so simple for people to just delete a person from there friends page and be done w/ them. i mean, come on guys, its a LIVEJOURNAL we're talking about here. ah man... i just can't think of anything other then that its amazing. but really, i know valerie is gonna take this as its to her, but its not. well it is, but its to everyone... u know? and not meant meanly. everyone says sad things or things they are mad about at some point... i dont know. i just am not in the mood (or i guess ever) for people getting mad. it feels like last year all the sudden, and thats not a kool thing. does everyone understand this is not meant in a drama causing way... im just stating, that i personally feel its dumb to get mad about. thats all. and i am apoligizing in advance to anyone who takes it the wrong way.
i just watched part of the wedding singer w/ my dad. god i love that movie, its beyond words. i had forgotten HOW great it is. and i made a cake. it was so good. but now my stomach hurts cuz im so full. ice cream and cake at midnite, its not the way to go. im warning u, don't do et.
i had this flashback of one of the times that gaby was spending the nite and valerie ran away to my house... its so weird, cuz i can't imagine me, g, val, and char all spendin the nite at my house... it just doesn't seem possible.... oh those were the days. lol. memories are good.
OH GAWD i hope we don't have school tomorrow. i can't really imagine going. we havn't had a normal day in so long. its crazi.
anyways im gonna go fack around on the innerweb.
me and ryan are... not attempting any longer. just letting u kids know. |
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| ahhh here it goes. |
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| 09:29pm 27/01/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: maroon 5
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i worked today for audrey. i had nothing better to do, so i figure y not just go work. i got there at like 330. i was being A. SOMEONE FUCKING DROVE INTO OUR BUILDING. lol. it is just cracked, so it will be ok. i just thought it was funny. like any of u care.
anyways, i got some pizza and went to kyles, me him and robert ate it then went over to the pool hall. good tymes. i love going to the pool hall, but only w/ them.
christine, i only got it on aim. and i liked it. we should talk, we could DEFINENTLY vent to eachother. i don't think it was weird or anything. i liked it. it is good to know how people feel. im good at listening, if u ever wanna vent or w/e, then u can to me, and im gonna do the same to u. :) its all good. i get the feeling that we think the same way, and really even though we aren't good friends, i have a feeling we could carry a really long conversation, b/c i have multiple topics in my head i could go over w/ u. heh. anyways, U IM ME SOMETIME.
by the way, i hate you all. |
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| when ur all alone, u gotta say FUCK EM' |
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| 12:42pm 27/01/2004 |
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mood:  good music: foo fighters- darling nikki
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im gonna go ahead and ignore virtually everyones opinion and write how i feel. i feel like i don't have one reliable friend. i feel like they are all just... full of it 90 percent of the time. im almost in tears because they make me feel so shitty sometimes. and no it isn't all of my friends. it tends to be my supposed 'close' friends that do it.
i feel like a stupid bitch for saying this, because as much as they piss me off sometimes, i love them all, and i know i piss them off too. but u know me, and ill forgive someone in a heartbeat. so i get over shit.
u know what triggered this? a little thing that happens to me on a regular basis...
-last nite me and kyle were supposed to chill but it was too icy
-he said ill call u tomorrow if we don't have school and we will chill during the day
-i woke up at 1230 and he hadn't called so i called him
-he says im on my way to jons brothers, ill call u later and hangs up before i say anything, which i wasn't mad about the hanging up, that is how he works lol.
i hate when people are obsessed w/ other people. like kyle is obsessed w/ jon but that is ok cuz i still see him every nite, so he doesn't make me mad, robert would rather hang out w/ kevin and jesse and them then us another one that is ok b/c i see him everynite too, lizzy won't even fucking call me, and im not gonna say anything about people who read this, because YES i want to state how i feel i here, but NO i don't want drama.
then i have these 'inskool' friends. they are fine. i mean, if they blow me off for someone else while we are in school then i don't get that mad b/c i know we aren't GREAT friends. but there is one person who ESPECIALLY pisses me off in that situation.
nobody fucking ask me who.
i don't know, just sometimes life gets hard when u feel like all u have is urself, and u don't even like urself... what do u do then? the past two nights all i've wanted is someone to talk to late at nite, and its like i have nothing. i had to sit in my room staring at my computer screen taking compliments from guys that i don't even really know. then when i layed down last nite i had a freak out. the same kind i get when im too high, i had one of those while i wasn't high. it sucked so bad. and now im gonna go put on a fake smile in front of my dad.
i do have one thing to smile about- i've got a hefty collection of money arising. its weird, but i feel better after ranting.
dont leave me sympathy comments... u can leave agreeing ones, that people suck, but no sympathy. |
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| this is for everyone.... and you. |
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| 12:32am 27/01/2004 |
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mood: confused music: allister.
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do u think its wrong to be sad in YOUR OWN livejournal? b/c i wanna be, and i feel like everytime i am it comes back to haunt me.... what do YOU think? |
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| FACKER. |
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| 12:12am 27/01/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy music: allister- dont think twice
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anyways... i slept until like 130 today. crazy shit. i can't remember what i did. oh yeahhhh i talked to lynn for a long time. she is getting better :) so that is a good thing. i facked around w/ makeup, and made up all this shit, that i think is kool.
i was pretty pissed when i got to work because i was b(so i was happy) but ended up being FUCKING PRECLOSE. but it turned out alright. we had to do all of this extra cleaning shit. like empty all the shakers into buckets and clean them, watch them dry, fill them bak up, clean out the things they sit in, and then put them all back on the tables. we had to put comet and clean on EVERYTHING METAL. jeeeez. and i sucked at it. and i couldn't reach a lot of it. it sucked. but it was enjoyable b/c brian is so god damn funny. and bobby was there... ohhhh bobby ::love::, haha. when i was taking back the silverware tray. I FELL. my ass hurt so bad. luckily it was well cushioned. lol. so im ok. i left work at like 1015. which i wasn't TOO bad. it would have been SO much earlier if we wouldn't have had to do all of the other shit. i got a pay check. one of the bigger ones i've had.
ryan is still making me feel guilty about how i can never see him. but i don't know what to do about it. its see him how i do, or never see him. or see him more and get caught which leads to me not being aloud to do anything. and im not gonna not be aloud to do anything. be serious.
i can't wait to go put money in the bank. is that weird? and im gonna get my tax money soon. all of it is going towards germany. holler. |
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| i got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one... or none? iunno. |
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| 11:05pm 25/01/2004 |
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mood:  awake music: maroon 5
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umm if u have a problem w/ my journal then take me off of your friends list... dumbass. could explain shit about it, but is it REALLY worth it since we aren't friends anyways? i think NOT.
ANYWAYS on to things that matter... today i just chilled around in my room after i woke up. i needed to just chill. it was good. i got some cleaning done, played some guitar, worked on my book of shit. then i went to work. it was very... calm. i had a good tyme(OOPS, sorry about my habit, get over it) while i was there. nevin paid me 5 bucks to do some of his side work which was good, cuz that was my pack of jacks. mmmm then i got ryan and we met rob and kyle at the pool hall. it is snowing like CRAZY. it wasn't bad driving home though. SUURE there was like 5 inches of snow, but w/e. its all good. i wish i didn't have to come home i had plans w/ the boys.
oh yeah- it was so fucked up, i tried watching my avril dvd today and it doesn't work... piece of shit.
now what am i gonna do? eh? i have no clue. |
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| 12:18pm 25/01/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: maroon 5- soap disco
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u know who is AMAZING?... maroon 5. they are absolutely amazing. and i just this morning discovered the greatness of brand new, i mean i already knew they were good, i've just been listening to them more now.
...this love, has taken its toll on me, she said goodbye, too many tymes before...
i havn't updated in a few days, eh, sometimes its hard to fit in. friday i had my guitar final, it was easy and we picked our classes for next year, i'd say them but no one cares. i had to be at work at 10, but since skool didn't end til 1030 i got to work at eleven. it was only me and brian the whole day and i we got this mad rush. and we were fine, THEN THE FUCKING CORPORATE BITCHES CAME IN, i got into it w/ one of them and i thought i was gonna get fired... bitch. umm i got to leave at 315 so i met rob kyle and jon at the pool hall. I WON ALL 5 GAMES I PLAYED. I AM A TRUE WINNER. then i had to go bak to work at 445. GAY. i was host for a few hours. then i saw ryan for a little while. what a great kid. the i got robert and we went to centennial cue but it was too crowded so we left and came to my house to watch a movie. we had a cute moment. it was good. then ummmm saturday i wasn't out of bed and clean until 2 oclock. so i just watched revenge of the nerds w/ my dad then went to work. last nite i was closer but left like an hour before we closed cuz no one came. me and kyle played pool for like an hour then i stopped by ryans for a few minutes. then i got home at like 1230. i was talking to people on the innerweb. i talke to nic, erics brother, for awhile and he really is a nice kid. i mean, i'd chill w/ him if it didn't mean my dad killing me. and i was talking to adam for awhile, and he told me all this stuff about how he likes me and i was like... woah dude nah nah. but we are supposed to hang out. he is really nice, so yeah ill chill w/ him and talk and shite.
ANYWAYS... a lot of my friends suck. hahaha. some are good though.
i feel pathetic cuz i got gaby her little gay present, and then never gave it to her. i guess i will on tuesday when we have history. SORRY GABY. lol. |
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| oh yeah... welll I AM 16. |
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| 02:03am 25/01/2004 |
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mood:  cold
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My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
iunno i thought this was funni. cuz like, i am 16. but i am wat it says. its kinda right... weird.
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| oh yeah? thats what i thoght asshole. |
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| 11:23pm 22/01/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: wake up, put on my makeup.
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today was an extremely lazy day for a majority of it.
when i got to school i almost thrown up and passed out. it sucked ass. i was walking to psych and i felt it coming. if there would have been anything in me to throw up then i would have. and i was really hot and dizzy and just argh! but i survived. the same thing happened yesterday when i was walking to history, but whatev. THEN, after school i bought lizzy hash browns just for her. then we went to her house. we were sitting in her house, and i wa seeing spots everywhere. ah man it was like i was trippin' or some shit. so i ate something and felt a little better. me and her watched tv and slept on her couch from like 11 until 6 when i left. but we both were so tired, it was crazi. when i got home i did ddr and worked out the best i could in my room. then headed to centennial cue because that tends to be what i do these days, every nite w/ kyle. jon came w/ tonite. it was good tymes as always. jon had to go home at nine so kyle came over. ah man he was high as shit. lol. it was funni. mmmmm while kyle was here i made another page in my book thingy. it is of makeup stuff, then i went over it w/ red sparkly nail polish, it looks good, not great, but good. i had to write my guitar paper tonite. i did benji, and i found THE CUTEST picture of him EVER. everyone needs to ask to see it. haha. u know whats weird? out of all of these half days i never saw char, which is kinda saddening. but eh, what are u gonna do. anyways... im done here.
oh yeah i forgot. i got into an im fight w/ doug. i told him he is a fucker, his opinions doesn't matter, and to never talk to me. he is an asshole. IM SO FUCKING SICK OF HIM. im done w/ him, for good. he can burn in hell for all i care.
love,
me.
hahah. |
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| its like swallowing razorblades after a day at the amusement park. |
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| 12:03am 22/01/2004 |
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mood: complacent music: day that i die.
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its like im un-lovable. thats what i feel like. its like no one can get close to me w/out questioning it. UGH. sometimes i don't know what to do w/ myself so i re-space myself. if u know what i mean... yeah. but WHATEV.
skool was alright. i had math and chem FUCK THAT SHIT. after skool i went straight to work. untill 8. then i saw ryan he was really quieter than usual. we had this talk when i got home and now iunno whats going on. but i like him a lot. but he is right, it is really hard not being able to see eachother more. i don't wanna write about et. im talking to adam... it seems weird.
and i sure have been thinkin about tim. i just need to see him. EVEN if its a friend thing. cuz that is what i need right now. someone to talk, kiss my forehead, and tell me everything'll be alright and i know he could do that. i left what he said to me up all day cuz it made me smile.
after that... me and kyle went to centenial cue. GOOD TYMES.
now im gonna go contemplate issues. |
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| hehe |
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| 06:52am 21/01/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: junkies
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NO ONE can tell me that this isn't something happy to wake up to...:) even though i bitched about him a lot over the ...years?... we're still friends and i do miss him. i just thought this was cute lol. AND i ACTUALLY made a friends only entry lol.
hLyShiZNat346: ok it is so 4:12
Auto response from LoveForSparrow: i doubt it means anything to you- but i've been thinking about how happi u always mademe... and that i miss u :-\ if u're reading this at 630 in the morning, then it is about you.
hLyShiZNat346: i miss you too if this is about me and i think about you all the time and how happy you made me. and you did make me very happy
hLyShiZNat346: lol remmember how we first met
hLyShiZNat346: you took my SN for charlotte
hLyShiZNat346: lol
hLyShiZNat346: but that party was kinda boring anyway
hLyShiZNat346: aat least one good thing came of it
hLyShiZNat346: i have class soon so if you want to talk you have to come now |
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| yeah w/e. |
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| 10:29pm 20/01/2004 |
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mood: content music: some song i don't know.
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today was the first day of midterms. i had english and german. BOTH GAY.
after school i went to ryans. iunno how he feels. but i know i like him a lot. enough said, because none of u wanna hear it anyway. then i went to lizzys for awile. came home, then proceeded to get very upset, and it shows. practice was funnnn. i felt sad cuz gaby was sad. but she will be ok i think, eventually.
can i explain my love for having a second lj. aw man it is great. DONT QUESTION ME, FUCKS. |
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| mmmmmmOk |
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| 12:47am 20/01/2004 |
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mood: cold music: ill be ur dream
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today lets seeeeeee
i woke up and called up good ol' lizzy to announce to her that i thought she was mad at me i continued to cry on the foney. pathetic, FUCKING PATHETIC. then i went to her house all looking like a bum. after while we went and got jesse and we all hung out. he is getting more comfortable around me which is goooooood. i mean its not that big of a deal, but it is my best friends boyfriend so we should get along. mmmmm then i went to the batting cages w/ my dad. i did GOOD. lemme tell u i rocked out. i thought i'd suck but i didn't. go me. i win. then work. eh. it was alright.
brian told me he thinks i am a junkie :/ wat the fack? |
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| yeah, i love you, too, thanks for.... nothing? |
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| 12:08pm 19/01/2004 |
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mood: calm music: hfs.
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i slept a lot again. i went to bed at 1230 and then got up like 15 mins ago. im going to lizzys. i can tell her about all my drama going on right now. i would have liked to go see gaby on her birthday but i guess we arn't decent friends anymore. i mean to me we are. but w/e, cuz what am i supposed to do about it? fuck midterms. they can kiss my ass. i think i can get all not e's w/out studying. that is good enough for me. i made another lj. for personal reasons. u kno, just for online people. YUH BYE. |
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tornupchucks's journal